Okay, so if you're still following this blog, my deepest apologies. It's been months since I posted and I feel terrible about it. As most people know, when you stop blogging it usually means you've stopped losing weight, stopped caring, or stopped trying. For me, it was a little of all three. I haven't lost weight, I did stop making a serious effort, and in turn...I guess I stopped really caring. I showed all of those things on the outside, but really, inside I knew I'd stopped. I'd make "mistakes" and tell myself it was the last time that would happen, it's the last time I'm stopping at McDonald's for that double cheeseburger, but then the next week I'd be right back there parked in guilt alley. You know what I'm talking about. That section of parking behind every McDonald's where you can find people guiltfully eating their Big Macs and sucking down their sodas, stuffing the wrappers in between seats so their friends and family won't find them. Or, for the wiser ones, throwing the evidence away in the waste can conveniently located in the parking lot. Those cans aren't there for the environment...they are there to help hide the evidence of your indiscretions.
I'm not an emotional eater...at least I don't think I am. When I'm stressed I do eat, but it's not like I eat a lot. I'm what I like to call a habitual eater. I eat what I eat cause that's what I've done in the past. I crave the foods I eat...the bad foods at least. When I drive past a McDonald's I stop because my mouth starts to water. The thought of that fat laden burger drives me insane and I have to stop. It's crazy! In the past I've tried packing snacks for lunch and the car ride home from work to stop those cravings. It works for a few weeks but then my mind gets the better of me. I know I'm in control, but at the same time I'm not. People make fun of fat people for eating at those fast food joints, for saying that they are addicted to the taste (for those that openly admit such atrocities), but what they should feel is sorry for us. It's hard.
This week my goal is to not park in guilt alley. To stay away from those temptations and eat my carrot sticks on the way home. I'm hoping that my attempts at restarting this blog for the millionth time is the trick that keeps me going beyond today and this week. I want this to be the last time that I say, "No, really. This time I'm serious. I'm losing this weight for good!" I want to be the success story that I read about in the magazine or online. I'm tired of being overweight. The one thing I know this time that I didn't the last time I restarted this is that it is as much a mental journey as it will be a weight journey. I need to rediscover and reinvent who I am along this travel. I need to refocus on making me a stronger person from the inside out. I have the tools, now is the time.
For those of you who follow me...thank you. We'll get through this together. Chubby girls UNITE!
This is Megan ... a wannabe former chubby girl...signing off.
Current weight: 220.2 pounds
Goal weight: 140 pounds
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