I know, I know, I know ... BUT I'M SERIOUS THIS TIME

Okay, so if you're still following this blog, my deepest apologies. It's been months since I posted and I feel terrible about it. As most people know, when you stop blogging it usually means you've stopped losing weight, stopped caring, or stopped trying. For me, it was a little of all three. I haven't lost weight, I did stop making a serious effort, and in turn...I guess I stopped really caring. I showed all of those things on the outside, but really, inside I knew I'd stopped. I'd make "mistakes" and tell myself it was the last time that would happen, it's the last time I'm stopping at McDonald's for that double cheeseburger, but then the next week I'd be right back there parked in guilt alley. You know what I'm talking about. That section of parking behind every McDonald's where you can find people guiltfully eating their Big Macs and sucking down their sodas, stuffing the wrappers in between seats so their friends and family won't find them. Or, for the wiser ones, throwing the evidence away in the waste can conveniently located in the parking lot. Those cans aren't there for the environment...they are there to help hide the evidence of your indiscretions.

I'm not an emotional eater...at least I don't think I am. When I'm stressed I do eat, but it's not like I eat a lot. I'm what I like to call a habitual eater. I eat what I eat cause that's what I've done in the past. I crave the foods I eat...the bad foods at least. When I drive past a McDonald's I stop because my mouth starts to water. The thought of that fat laden burger drives me insane and I have to stop. It's crazy! In the past I've tried packing snacks for lunch and the car ride home from work to stop those cravings. It works for a few weeks but then my mind gets the better of me. I know I'm in control, but at the same time I'm not. People make fun of fat people for eating at those fast food joints, for saying that they are addicted to the taste (for those that openly admit such atrocities), but what they should feel is sorry for us. It's hard.

This week my goal is to not park in guilt alley. To stay away from those temptations and eat my carrot sticks on the way home. I'm hoping that my attempts at restarting this blog for the millionth time is the trick that keeps me going beyond today and this week. I want this to be the last time that I say, "No, really. This time I'm serious. I'm losing this weight for good!" I want to be the success story that I read about in the magazine or online. I'm tired of being overweight. The one thing I know this time that I didn't the last time I restarted this is that it is as much a mental journey as it will be a weight journey. I need to rediscover and reinvent who I am along this travel. I need to refocus on making me a stronger person from the inside out. I have the tools, now is the time.

For those of you who follow me...thank you. We'll get through this together. Chubby girls UNITE!

This is Megan ... a wannabe former chubby girl...signing off.

Current weight: 220.2 pounds

Goal weight: 140 pounds

Finding your stride

So, it's been a while, but I'm still here and I think I've found my stride.

I had dinner with a friend the other week, and until that night, I didn't realize that there are really people out there who like reading my blog and miss it when I don't post. It helped me to remember why I started all this 10 months ago...share my journey (good and bad) and inspire others to make little changes in their health.

So, I took a week to get back in touch with my FIT CHICK side and I'm happy to say I've found my stride. Last Thursday I jogged with my Thursday jogging buddy and really felt like I was on to something. We moved to jogging on a track (due to lack of light) and I tried jogging the lengths of the track and walking the caps. Guess what, I could do it. I had to push myself, but I used the advice of another friend (damn...I have a lot of awesome friends) and didn't make giving up an option.

The next night I went for a short run with another friend who really pushed me (sorry for cussing at you the entire run ;) She really helped me realize what I'm capable of and I have been using that as motivation for the entire week.

Finally, Saturday, I ran my fourth 5k and beat my goal time of 40 minutes. I clocked in a time of 38:51!!! I took Sunday off (well, I mowed the yard, but really, it was a day off from exercise), and then I ran after work on Monday. Again, I did awesome! I ran 4.14 miles. The best part, it all finally clicked. I felt like I was finally a runner. I loved the run, I felt great, and I just kept running. I actually ran 1 mile without having to stop and walk! It was the first time I didn't want to stop my run. Then, Tuesday, I ran again. Rookie mistake maybe, but I ran 4.5 miles and this time was really tired and didn't clock my best average, however, I still loved it. Later that night I went to the gym and lifted, so I feel like I made up some ground.

Lesson: if you do a long run one day, do a short run or take the day off from running the next day...go do some other kind of exercise.

Tomorrow, morning is lifting and evening will be my Thursday walk/jog with my jogging buddy. Friday, "push" run with another friend (warning, I'll probably cuss at you again, but know I love ya gal). Then the weekend will be up for grabs...swimming, short run, relaxing, yard work.

So, this week I am happy to report a weight loss.

Last weigh in: 213 (that's two weeks ago...last week was a lot of gain with "that" week so I weighed in at 220)

This week: 211.8

Still trying...

Last weigh in (August): 215.8

This week: 213.6

It's something. There was a lot of fluctuating going on in September, but I'm still here and still trying.

Another loss

This week I'm happy to report another loss! Not as huge as last week, but still on par with the recommended weekly loss rate, so I'm not complaining. It's a few more pounds that I won't be seeing again.

I'm continuing to plan out my weekly meals, and working on getting in some form of excercise daily. Last week I was under the weather for a few days, and didn't stick to my meal plan as closely, but I survived.

Still working on keeping up with a weight lifting regiment, but in time. Next week I'll be at camp (Birch Family Camp), working with 6-8 year old girls. My plan is to walk/jog 3 or 4 times that week, use children as dumbbells when ever possible, and eat as best I can given the camp food menu.

I'll check back in with you all in 2 weeks. As always, thanks for following.

Last week: 215.8 pounds

This week: 213.4 pounds

Loss of: 2.4 pounds

WOO HOO!!!!

So the magic phrase for this week: OMG OMG OMG!!!

As some of you may have noticed, I didn't post last week. For one, I had gone home to Ohio the weekend before and had some major food setbacks so I knew that I had gained, and second, I was preparing for the 5K on saturday so I didn't want to get mentally down on myself before the race. However, I did end up weighing myself last Wednesday and had gained...so, I just didn't post using the upcoming race as my excuse. Grrr....

So, last week's weight was a massive 221 pounds. OUCH! But, I'm happy (very happy) to report that this week is a much different story. As soon as I returned to Pittsburgh last Sunday, I started getting back on track with my food choices. I created a weekly menu chart and sat down that night and wrote out everything I would eat for the rest of the week (this seems to work better for me in comparison to writing down everything I eat after it's been consumed). Then I typed up a list of all the groceries I would need to prepare these meals. Monday after work I went straight to the grocery store and got my supplies and went home and cleaned my veggies, sealed and packed everything into individual servings, and tapped my menu to the front of the fridge. WHAT AN AMAZING DIFFERENCE THAT MAKES!!!!

What I found was that morning routine goes so much smoothier. I'm not awake enough in the mornings to think through what I want to pack for breakfast and lunch, so having the menu printed and posted on the fridge door takes thinking out of the equation. I just grab what my chart says for those two meals that day and go. No forgetting my lunch, no eating out for lunch, and no bad choices. I had one slip up last week...that was it! And, in order to prevent slip ups this week, I've printed an extra copy of my weekly menu and posted it at my desk at work. So, I'm reminded at the end of the day what I'm having for dinner and am less tempted to stop for fast food on the way home. It's great! I'm also working on (and getting better at) planning quick, healthy meals for the evenings when I'm busy so there is no chance for me to say, "I don't have time to make a healthy meal, why not just stop somewhere" (cause we all know I can't be trusted with that just yet).

The only other change I've made to my meals (which is actually a big change I guess), is I'm eating organic whenever possible. I'm also trying to choose meats that are grass fed and organically raised. I can't even begin to tell you the difference. I had the most amazing steak the other night! It was 100% organic and grass fed and the taste was so much cleaner and moist. Try it! Even if it's just for one meal....try it! (Also, check out Jillian Michaels MASTER YOUR METABOLISM book...scary, but insightful and makes a lot of sense.)

As for excercise these last two weeks. I managed to workout for about an hour 5 times both weeks (That includes a 5K this past Saturday). Those workouts include some strength training (however, this week's goal is to be more consistent with strength training), a little jogging/walking, and a lot of swimming!

Anyway, sorry to write your ears off this week, but I'm so excited. I really needed this week as a pat on the back for making great choices and big changes. It paid off and I will contine.

Last week: 221 lbs

This week: 215.8 lbs

Loss of: 5.2 lbs

Check back next week and I'll let you all know what I'm trying this week to improve my workouts!

Another week...

So this week was a little better with the food. I still made mistakes and slipped up a few times, but I feel like I did so less than the previous week...so progress. I made an effort to plan out my meals this week and make sure that I only pack my lunches and that's been going well, so I'm looking forwad to more progress next week.

On the workout front...that's going great! And I'm really really enjoying it. This week I've made sure to go to the gym every day (whether it's in the morning or night). My goal for next week is to up the intensity of my workouts and try to sneak in some short 20 min workouts during my lunch hour at work at least 3 days a week. I've been trying to keep my current workouts to an hour so that I don't get over zealous and do too much too soon (which has been a problem in the past). It seems to be going well and I'm always excited and looking forward to my gym time.

I'll be at my camp in New York (I volunteer at Birch Family Camp) in three and a half weeks and I've already started setting up healthy agendas for that week. I've mapped out a 1.5 mile jogging loop that I can do three days that week, and I've asked a friend to help keep me accountable by jogging with me (Thanks again, Jeff!!). When I'm not jogging, I'll be running around with 6-8 year olds so I'm sure that will substitute for other workouts. :D

Finally, in other news, my next 5K is in a week and half. I won't be running the entire thing, but I'm confident that my time will be much better than my last.

As always, thanks for following. This week I'm happy to report a loss...

Last week: 221 pounds

This week: 219.2 pounds

Just one more cheesburger, please!

When I started this blog, I vowed to be honest...completely honest. I've shared with you my weight-loss failures, set-backs , and my struggles with depression. So, when mulling over whether or not to share this post with everyone, I decided that if you already know that much, you might as well hear it all.

I have food issues. Now, by stating that I don't mean that I get up at night and eat out of the cupboards, consume tons of calories, and then return to bed. I actually don't eat after 9pm unless dinner has been severely delayed, and then I choose only to eat light. I mean, for some reason, I have trouble making good food choices. It's not about time or being hungry, it's just because I want it. I crave something and then I give in WAY TOO MUCH!

The other evening I was coming home from the grocery store with healthy veggies and meat and fruits, and still, after passing Burger King, I decided to turn around and go back to order to Jr. Whopper. Even as I was ordering, I knew it was bad. I knew that I didn't really want it, but something inside me was insisting that I really really wanted it; that I had to have it. After eating it, I felt horrible. Both for the diet and for my stomach. THat type of food makes me sick, for real. So why did I do it? I can't figure it out.

I've watched the shows like Biggest Loser and Losing it with Jillian and I hear them talk about food issues stemming from something missing in your life, or issues with family, or whatever. But I don't see those in myself. I don't think I eat to feel better, I know I don't feel better or proud of myself when I do it. I know what I want is to be healthier and feel great about working out and making strides, but for some reason I still do something that I know is the exact opposite of my goal. I'm not successful with a food journal because when I eat like this, I just don't write it down (kind of like, who besides me is going to know). It feels like I don't thing being accountable to me is enough, but it should be cause I'm doing this for me. What the hell?!

SO, I'm looking for suggestions. I keep telling myself that this is something I can handle on my own, that I just have to choose to make the right choices ... I've even talked to a therapist about this stuff ... and it does work...for like a week. I'm tired of trying to get myself motivated and keeping myself on track...but I'm so fed up at this point, I'm not going to let myself give up. I want to be healthier! I want to be fit by 30! I want to mow the lawn in a pair of shorts and sports bra and feel good about it!

It's almost like a need a monitor on me when I'm faced with a food choice. They make those alcohol monitors, like the one they gave Lohan, why can't they make a food one!!!? Anyone want to come live with me and monitor my every food move? Just kidding. I really want to be able to do this for myself. I want being accountable to me, enough motivation for me. I do notice that when I'm with someone else and faced with a food choice, I make the better choice. But, when I'm by myself I tend not to. I notice that I can "talk myself into" making a bad choice about three or four times a week. It really feels like there are two personalities going on inside this healthy quest; I'm just tired of the unfit one winning more than it should.

Any help? Any suggestions? I need you ladies.


Results: Workout outs are going great. Worked out 4 days last week for over and hour each time. THis week I've managed 3 days already!

Last week's weight: 219.2

This week's weight: 221